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Nic and Paul discuss the “C” word and how to face your own mortality. They also really breakdown the cliche phrase of “Trust the process” and how to actually apply that in your own life. We discuss how to be a carrier of hope to others and much more….
great episode. Over the circumstances of this last year and the health struggles I’ve had, God has brought me to a place where I trust him more than ever and I have faced my mortality. The first 6 months were so frightening and the fear of dying was so real. When I have episodes, I actually feel like I am dying. I can’t breathe, or move, my heart pounds and skips beats and my brain actually feels like it is shutting down. Not having a clear diagnosis,or knowing what is actually happening has been so hard. If you have a diagnosis of cancer, you know what you are fighting, but this type of chronic illness has no boundaries or name. Most nights I would lay down to sleep feel like I was indeed dying. God has brought me to the place where I can actually say, “if I live I live, if I die, I die. My life is in your hands.” Since I have come to this place I feel so much peace. I have no fear of dying. I trust that my God has my life in his hands and if he chooses to take me today, I’m good with that. If he doesn’t, then I will wake to a new day. I can only live minute by minute and try to seek his will for me each day. Many people get upset with me when I tell them this. THEY have fear that I will die. I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I don’t know how long I will be in this earthly realm, but I trust that God knows and I have to leave it in his hands. Circumstances have taught me that I have NO control over my body or my life. I continue to try to do things that will hopefully make a positive impact. (I eat right, take supplements, try to control my thoughts toward the positive). I cannot trust people the way I trust God. People will always disappoint and it is so very difficult when they do. I can’t blame them, as we are all human. But God, is always with me and he knows me. I don’t know if I will ever be healed. I know I don’t really want to continue living like this, but if he chooses to have me live, there is a reason and it’s probably not about me at all. So,….it’s been a long, difficult process and God is still working on me. Stripping away anyone and anything that I trusted in. Everything that I had clung to as my identity. Like you said, I have no idea who I am. My identity is in the process of a major overhaul and I have no idea what my life will look like, tomorrow, 2 months from now, 5 years from now….. But I do not live in fear like I did.